TMA? Too Much Aggro!!!

So, the first draft of my first assignment is now done. God knows if it's any good or not. I'm so worried that I've strayed way off the question because I wanted to avoid my old, bad A-level habit of answering the question very obviously e.g. "I believe the author conveys mood & meaning by...blah blah blah". I've followed the helpful guidelines they've given in the paper but have I done so at the expense of the question? God I hope not. I asked Alison last night if she'd give it a quick read through to see if it at least tries to answer the question but, alas, she was too shagged out after a busy day. I'll have to wait now until tonight for a verdict.

What can I say about its creation? Utter, utter hell. I was supposed to start on Saturday but as Alison wanted some space to work on something difficult she needed to do, I was restricted to a minimal amount of research work on the piece's background. Then, I spent 3 or 4 hours on Sunday desperately trying to sound like I was writing to the "intelligent man in the street" (as the AGSG says I should) but I probably ended up sounding like Vicky Pollard talking to her mates! I think I wrote 180 odd words in that time but it all sounded so amateurish, so GCSE-lite. I have so much self doubt about this important start to my second academic adventure. I know the course will be fascinating fun but the enormity of the tasks to prove the fun has been worth the money, scares the hell out of me. It's great when you interpret texts and then ideas develop in your head, but stringing these out to impress an audience scares the f**king s**t out of me. The ideas are there but my voice sounds like a struggling sixth-former who's keen but hasn't got the talent to match the keeness. I know every student on the OUSA 103 Forum says we all went through the same when we started, it's not graded, "don't worry" but....I need this to be at least good for the sake of my confidence. Something that will please the tutor and make me walk away and say "Yes, you can do this! Go on & enjoy yourself!".

Since I started writing this, Alison has called me on the mobile after going through this first draft this morning. She almost gave me a huge shock - 'it doesn't answer the question". My heart sank as that meant a bloody re-write of the essay I'd taken all of Sunday afternoon & Monday to shape. But - thank god - she equated her assessment by clarifying that it was the conclusion that was the problem: the 'answer' they were probably looking for wasn't there. Well, that's not too bad I suppose. I should be able to correct that in the time that I have over next few days. She thinks the rest of it's fine but will tell me in more detail a bit later. Oh, and the other problem with it - apparently - is that it's currently 74 words over the target. Bugger! Let's hope the tutor doesn't include quotes in her word count!

By the way, I'm getting a tad annoyed at those on the OUSA Forum who keep going on about working on TMA2! Oh, come on guys! Spare a thought for those who are just starting this! I haven't even opened the bloody box yet - one thing at a time!