Oh Happy Day!

It's 3 days since that bloody exam and I've never felt better. Yes, it's all done. DA204 has left the building (so to speak). I admit that in writing my last post I was a tad cool and relaxed about Friday's moment of doom but come the morning.....oh dear. I was shaking like St Vitus Dance as I made my way in. I also did something I promised I wouldn't do: read my notes before I walked in. At least I did have the good grace to try and look relaxed as if I was just brushing up on a few names and concepts etc. rather than tearing my hair out trying to memorise Chomsky's propaganda model.

So in I walked, dumped my bag in the allocated zone, toddled my way towards the back-straining desk with my exam survival kit, took a a deep breath, prayed for mercy and off I went. I tried questions 1, 2 and 5. The former two had plenty to sink my teeth into but the last question I really f**ked up on. I made the "classic" mistake of misreading the question and when I realised this, I had only half an hour to turn it around. By the way, my time-planning of each question was impeccable, I have to say. I was even able to squeeze in a trip to the loo which gave me a chance to catch my breath and calm down. At least I did attempt & complete all three questions even if I wasn't certain if my conclusions (or my handwriting) made any sense. My hands and neck were aching all the way as I wrote furiously. When the invigilator called time I was left rather numb and this feeling carried me all the way home. I really don't know if I'd done enough. I had no sense within like last year that I'd made a good stab. As soon as I pulled into Harrow, I went to the pub. Just for a half, mind. I was planning on going back over my notes and seeing where I'd gone wrong or gone right but after a few pages I though 'oh for goodness sake! you did your best, it's ALL OVER NOW! Enjoy it!' With that thought, I downed my drink and went home.

From there I've been feeling rather positive. It's a shame my lovely wife is away on a school trip with her kids as it would have been nice to share the moment but other than that I've enjoyed getting this huge weight off my back. The nice 'me' can come back after weeks of the grumpy, panicky one taking his place. All this free time now! What do I do?

Roll on December!

Nearly there...

Time really has flown since my last post here, hasn't it? At least this time around I am posting in the middle of my revision: last year I stopped after TMA5 (?) and didn't come back to the blog until I started DA204! Embarrassing when you are trying to remember 4 or 5 months later how you felt back then. That's a gap I intend to fill this time around!

My last two TMAs went ok. I got figures in the 70s so not bad but not as awful as I had anticipated. I was rather surprised by TMA6 as I did not enjoy Block 5 at all (and online, I don't know anybody who did). It was sooooooo booooring! I decided that as I had no time to prepare for a proper stab and my heart really wasn't in it, I would write whatever seemed ok and submit that. Any mark was better than none at this stage. My jaw dropped when I saw that I got a better score than TMA5. "What? That heap of junk was better that the last one I spent ages on?" I was seen to mutter at the time. Standards must surely be slipping!

And then revision. I have to say, until this week, this has been hell. Because of the time we have spent away DA204 has been well in the back of my mind and I left planning a revision strategy too late. This alongside not 'reading' the material properly left me frustrated and depressed. I could not see this working and I 'knew' that I was going to fail. I could see myself in that hall, pent-up with anger & frustration, mind completely just dying to get out of there! There were times in the last few weeks I felt like jacking it in. It was just too stressful and I could see the knock-on effect of my mood in other people's reactions to me. Not good.

But, this last week or so I have really turned things around. My problem was that I was trying too hard to re-write my notes in the same detail as I had done when reading the material for the 1st time. Once I realised that all I needed to focus on was what I needed to use in the exam, things sped up dramatically. A sign of how I have changed is now I occasionally drift off thinking about Tzevetsan Todorov and his narrative model or some other little detail that I've just read over. I only have one of the blocks left to finish reading over and then I can review everything before Friday (doing 3 blocks & 2 themes as recommended by the course team). I am feeling more positive about it now but am still dreading exam day! At least after 1pm on Friday, it's over! I'm off that day and will heading to the pub to celebrate the end of another year's work!

PS I should really thank my wife Alison here & now for being a real rock during these last few weeks. She has been my cheerleader all along so it must have been tough being upbeat about my chances when all I was thinking of was quitting the damn thing. Sorry for being an asshole and thanks for being my champion when thing were bleak. It's nearly over now! xx