Brick Wall Blues

Music. I love music. Pop, Jazz, Funk, Hip-hop and many other genres I really love. Hey, I'll tell you what really I hate - THIS BLOODY TMA QUESTION ON IT!!! I must have listened to that frigging Don Giovanni duet 30 or 40 times yesterday afternoon trying to dissect it and I was sooooo bored by the end that I was a grumpy, frustrated sod for the rest of the night. All the positive energy at the start - buoyed up by TMA1 result earlier - was sapped out of me by 5:30.

What went wrong? Well, the song was just too dull and slight to make me get into analysing it. Then after the 2nd time I'd played the track the headphones for my iPod gave out (talk about bad bloody timing!). So, trying to find this melody and that rhythm etc after repeated plays on the stereo instead became an absolute chore which I was just not getting right and fucked me right off. I suppose if the headphones were working I'd have been right in the music and perhaps less distracted and more involved but fate wasn't with me yesterday. Oh no sir. I had to stop after 3 fruitless hours as I started feeling very very irritated and very, very tired . It was the kind of tired feeling I get after I've been really stressed out (I was gagging for a nap). To top it all when I did get to sleep that night I must have been dreaming about this as I woke up at 3am in a blind bewildering panic about it.

Up until this part I had managed a weak draft on each question on that I worked on in detail the next day. This time I had nothing. I've decided I'll have to take a day off next week and start all over again.

By the way, earlier in the blog I mentioned that I may be heading to Paris sometime in April. Sadly, I was a tad overexcited then about this as I'm afraid I have to report the plans have been scuppered. No, not cancelled, just scuppered. Our friend has changed her mind and thinks that Paris may be a tad expensive for her taste so instead we are going on a Trans-Europe-Trek, if you like. The plan is Lille-Bruxelles-Aachen-Koln. Not bad as it being cancelled overall and I love Lille and Koln (especially the Dom). I know I really wanted to be close to something we'd start covering on A103 that very week to fire-up the enthusiasm but beggars can't be choosers - it's a break!

Drum roll please......

FINALLY! I have my TMA1 back....................I got a"B"!! Ha! ha! Yeessssss!

I'm on cloud nine now but at the time I did get it, I was a bit less than happy. I didn't agree with some of the criticisms made by my tutor and got a bit irritated that she didn't like:

1. the fact I didn't explain what the "blight" was (I thought that would be stating the bleeding obvious and wasting words);
2. that I suggested there was 'vivid language' to start the piece (it was a poetic, idyllic introduction);
3. and that the final paragraph was redundant & didn't conclude the piece.

But, hey, I'm delighted now that the mark was excellent and way above my humble expectations. With all those "mistakes" I still got an 'B'! This is a real shot in the arm for the next TMA.

Now, shall I brag about it at tonight's tutorial?

Still life with tired eyes (2006)

Busy, busy, busy! Lots of deadlines at work and at home kept me away. Sorry about that!

Anyway, to business...

1. The 1st tutorial last Wednesday- As the provided map showed, the venue was literally round the corner from my flat and as I'd left with time to spare I was there really early. There was around 10 of us when we got going around 7. Secretly, I had hoped for a smaller crowd so that we could work together closer in the future but I'm not really complaining - more points of view to share around in a lively discussion. You could tell most of us were very nervous at this first meeting as we didn't say much when it kicked off (I was terrified but rather excited too). Our tutor arrived 10 minutes late and then spent the first half an hour (literally) explaining the course to us. Ok, some people who haven't read anything so far may not know but the rest of us...well, I was bored rigid as I did know and wanted to move on to what we should be studying. Still, If the boot was on the other foot I'd have appreciated a introduction of sorts.

After that, it was rather enjoyable and enlightening. We got a a few handouts explaining how to taking notes and also what she prefers - logistically, speaking - in essays from us. I was a bit shocked to hear she wanted only 4 lines in an essay paragraph (must get that confirmed correctly, that can't be right?) and that she detests long sentences. As she laid out the rules I couldn't help thinking of my TMA1 and how it now seemed less than as satisfactory as I thought. The final hour of the session saved the best 'till last: I'd been struggling with the 'Seeing' section of Block 1. It just didn't click for some inexplicable reason. It seemed to be a 'skill' to pick up rather than something that needs to be learned by regular study. Taking a painting from the 'Illustration' book by Elizabeth Vigee-Lebrun she probed us on the colours, the background, the look overall etc. etc. to the point where suddenly everything I'd read so far made complete sense. I even chipped in with a few points during the flow of discussion on it. It was perfect! Some call these sort of moments in A103 like a epiphany, I think was another one of mine! Overall, a great night that really gave me a buzz afterwards. No TMA1 back, though.

2. 'Seeing' - well, as I said above I had been struggling with this but the tutorial discussion above really helped. In fact, so much that I decided to pop over at lunchtime the next day to the National Gallery to see if I could find it and reflect on the discussion the night before. Alas, it wasn't there in the right section for the era (or anywhere for that matter). Instead, I looked at a painting I'd also spotted in the book which took my fancy. I can't for the life of me recall its name but it's a scene of a mad professor trying out some kind of 'bird pump' (!) in front of his friends and family. I read over my notes of Charles Harrison's audio discussion on how to approach a painting beforehand and prepared myself. Perhaps it was the lack of time but I felt a bit frustrated I didn't get more out of it. I so wanted it to come out with all kinds of wonderful words to say but I didn't. Oh dear.

By Saturday, I'd completed Block 1 in the book and then watched Mr Harrison on DVD. 'Good programme' I thought and the use of a Pollock to confront our notions of how to view a painting for the 1st time was a great idea. Like many, I was screaming at the start 'it's a bloody mess' but gradually its allure came forth in the pragmatic & simple way Harrison broke its development down. I shall never look at a typical Pollock painting again in the same way! The exercise in the 'Audio-Visual Book' afterwards was pointless, though. I mean, it just confirmed what was already being said in the programme. Waste of time which could have been spent on....

3. TMA2 Part 1 - My initial plan was to wait until the TMA1 had been returned and then to tackle the next marked assignment either in a confident mood that things are going well or in a new direction if it hadn't fulfilled the tutor's expectations. Well, I thought, balls to that: it's the 15/2/05 today and I still haven't received it. I know my tutor has three jobs to juggle (tutor, psychotherapist and full-time mother) but it has been two and a half weeks since the deadline and we are now into time allocated for the next one. I had thought I could do it all at the end if the current situation had cropped up but I have since been advised by many on the course that that is a very bad idea.

So, despite a thumping hangover on Sunday I made a bit of a start. To be honest, I wasn't as worried with this first part of the TMA2 as I was when I started on TMA1. It seemed straight forward enough - 'a descriptive account of the painting' in 300 words. The notes I had made about what terms to talk about were clear enough and the painting was full of stuff to discuss. But that was the problem - there was too much to discuss after taking notes on everything I'd observed within its frame! My first finished draft following this was nearly 400 words! I can't go into too much detail here as the O.U. rules on TMAs forbid me to do so but I will say that some things in the painting we have to work on were very unclear to the naked eye and in the end I had to instigate a long online debate in the A103 chat room to see if anyone else was as stumped as I was. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one who had such problems.

As I started this whole thing a week early, I've decided that my draft is probably good enough now to leave until the last week before the deadline. Then I'll tweak it until it's done.

I've now started on week two's stuff on 'Sonnets'. Happy to say that so far, so good. This will be the last part I know I'll enjoy before I tackle music (could be tough and off-putting) and philosophy (hmmm...not my cup of tea) in this block. For now, time to dive into 'Shall I compare thee...' and all that 14 line jazz.

STOP PRESS: Had some great news! Remember i told you a while back that we had to cancel our trip to Rome (which would have been this week) because of our tight budget ? This weekend break was planned some time before I'd agreed to take on A103 so, when I realised it was to form one entire block of the course, I got rather excited. But this excitement turned to utter despondace when we had to unfortunately change our plans. A shame.

Well, a friend of ours from New Zealand is coming over and when we asked here what she'd like to see while she was here, she came right out & suggested we visit Paris with her!!! It's all booked now and not too expensive - thank god. We are taking the cheaper route via car & ferry but at least we're getting away from it from it all for a few days. But more importantly, as I just realized this lunchtime, it'll definitely help with Block 3 on the French Revolution!!!! Place De La Bastille etc. Fantastic.

And - TA DA- I've just checked this right now on the website - BLOCK 3 STARTS AT THE SAME TIME WE ARE GOING THERE!!!!!!! Ha ha! Brilliant! Great news!!

"They call it Blue Monday, but Tuesday's just as bad"

What a miserable 24 hours I've just had. Although this blog is primarily to record my O.U. experiences, the events of yesterday have shook me somewhat so my usual bounciness is a tad muted today. In the morning we got a letter out of the blue saying there was some money we unexpectedly owed that had to be paid NOW. The credit card company passed the matter to a debt collection agency without telling us we actually owed the money (we've been good on our bills until now, for some strange reason). I've promised Alison I won't go into details but worrying about it has stressed me out a lot in the last day or so. We are sorting this out right now amidst our already threadbare lives at the moment.

I made a bit of a boo-boo the other day when I said my tutorial was last night. As someone rightly pointed out on OUSA 103, it's tonight (I got the date wrong). Didn't matter as I was able to get some extra work in on 'Seeing' last night. Initially I found this quite tough as it seemed to be something 'practical' that didn't need notes to take. That I found a bit bewildering as I wondered how I was going to learn these 'seeing' skills whilst at the same time not being able to get to a gallery. But gradually sense seems to be coming through after reading on a bit more. I do need, though, to get into London soon to see a picture. Hopefully, tomorrow may be the day!

Now, this next bit is an open 'letter' to someone who made a comment after my last entry (it's not directed at everyone!):

To 'Anonymous'

Have you read the blog's description? This a personal blog to record the ups & downs of doing this course. It is NOT some kind of 'guide' on how to do it, nor some deliberate attempt to put off newbies who have yet to do something like this, IT IS A PERSONAL BLOG ON MY FEELINGS, FRUSTRATIONS & TRIUMPHS ON DOING THE COURSE. I appreciate I do come off as a tad anxious in these journals but do I get the studying & the work done? Yes. But rather than 'whinging all the time to Alison' and others about my experiences, I do it here. And I find it cathartic. Thank you very much.

I do NOT appreciate being called 'immature' simply because I don't bottle up my feelings about this giant step I am taking. Others who have never taken on any arts-based course in their life may also be feeling the same way I do but can't or are too afraid to express any anxieties about it. Would you like to call them immature as well? Go on, I dare you. By the way you may be totally surprised to find out that I AM actually enjoying it, believe it or not.

Thanks for the practical advice but as for the totally unnecessarily personal bits you added to the comments, I suggest that you learn to divulge your advice in a manner that seeks to be more useful and less insulting to mine (& Alison's) intelligence.

Regards

Sean

Open The Box!

The ribbons have been cut, the cardboard peeled and, lo, the contents have been unveiled. Yes, with my first assignment completed on Wednesday night last week I had to keep my promise and open that much-worried-about box the very next day. I really needn't have been scared about its heaviness & size - it seems the box covers the whole year and not just the first part of the course. Hence 18 (!!!) CDs, 2 DVDs and 5 'block' books. One useful addition to the set is a fully-illustrated calendar for the year which shows that each of the blocks are broken down into weekly sections covering a topic in the book. This I found quite reassuring as it will help me to focus on what I need to study on at any given time. Mind you, I did have one shock when I read the upcoming TMAs! Blimey, by TMA6 the word count is 2000 words! And on something I'll have to think up from scratch! Scary!

So, after giving myself a well-earned break on Friday night, I made a start the next day on Block 1, Week 1 - 'Seeing'. Essentially, this is 'How to view paintings properly'. The audio CD was very useful in giving tips on how to approach this activity for a kick-off but the book...well, aren't we supposed to be taking notes? I found that it seemed more like a skill to be learned by practice as opposed to something that's discovered via reading the material & taking notes on the important bits. I was hoping that this week I could pop down to the National Gallery and try these newly acquired skills 'live' but alas, we are flat broke at the moment and I've had to base myself in our Harrow offices to save a bit of money on transport. Damn timing!

Talking of money, the same also goes for our long-planned visit to Rome which was to have taken place during Alison's half-term break. When others talked on OUSA 103 about a whole block devoted to the Colusseum, I got rather excited as we had already bought the tickets late last year without knowing this would come up. It would have been fantastic to use some real 'live experience' of an actual object discussed in the course. It certainly would have brought the block to life and would have made studying there it a truly interactive experience. But the block's timing (it ends in April) is too soon for us to afford even a quick visit. Our Xmas break to see my family in N. Ireland went way over budget and now we are literally scraping the kitty jar to get a pint of milk, for example. Canceling the trip was quite difficult to take on Friday after we went through the calendar.

But, onwards & upwards! My first tutorial will be tomorrow night at Harrow College. I'm really lucky in that the venue's a 5 or 10 minute walk from my home so I have absolutely no excuse for not attending it! I'm hoping it will be a useful place to share opinions, confirm theories (or suspicions), make friends and perhaps have a bit of a laugh! We'll see.

PS Still no word on my TMA1.....I'm dying to know how I did!

TMA1 - Mission Accomplished!

Yesssss! It's done! It's sent! Ha ha! There literally wasn't much more I needed to do except add a bibliography, my name & student number on the essay pages and make the text readable for the tutor. Huge sighs of relief all round. Especially poor Alison who's had to deal with my grumpiness and solitude while I've been toiling away night & day at this. Now, let's wait for the fallout...

*goes & hides under table in preparation for the worst*

In the meantime, time to open that 2nd mailout box. I pray to god it's not as scary on the inside as it is on the outside!!!!!

Too Much Aggro Part II

As I hinted at yesterday, Alison went over last night where I'd went wrong in my TMA1. I'd made a big mistake by asking her to do this on weekdays because it stressed her out trying to explain my mistakes in detail. Poor dear. She gets enough crap from the kids at her school and here was me getting all sulky when she told me where I went wrong. She already works too hard!! I really don't take criticism well but I (hopefully) will get better so it will hurts a bit less in future. Luckily a re-write wasn't needed so I kept at it until I finished a 2nd draft.

Up 'till now I've not had much contact with my tutor except the odd e-mail but last night I took the plunge. Although I prefer e-mail to the phone, she's the total opposite. I've been asking her things by e-mail and literally been waiting for days for a response. As I needed to know asap what her feeling were on quotes being included in a word count or not, I had to call her. She seemed nice - if a little distant - and had a nasal American accent. I discussed my fears a little with her but I didn't feel too reassured by the conversation that followed. Not in so much as what she said (which should have been encouraging) but in her attitude. It's almost as if she didn't want another fear-stricken student going over his/her fears again with her. But, hey, you can't judge someone on a first call, eh? We shall see at the tutorial next week.

So I've decided tonight's the last night I'll work on it but I'd imagine that not a lot more has to be done. It's at 520-530 words and the arguments are there. It's going in the post tomorrow regardless. Wish me luck!!

PS I'd printed out a copy of the 2nd draft late last night to read its through its arguments aloud for clarity and check for more errors. When I got up this morning, I found that Alison had unexpectedly checked my copy said "This is much better, sexy!". Awwww. Bless.